Insanity 1
by Super Ninja Cupcakes
Summary: this is the first of my ice age fanfictions, which are all typed and will be posted very soon if anybody likes. rated T for the ocasional naughty word, and some "mild suggestive humor"
1. Chapter 1

Well I'm Insane

Chapter One

You've seen the title, and it is justifiable. My insanity was caused by an obsession, you see, this may or may not be true, you decide. My obsession with ice age has always been obvious, but on September 6th 2011 it came to a whole new level...

It was a perfectly normal day, a long hard one it had been too. School was awful, I had three tests that day and I was sure I flunked the one in geography class. A chain letter text message had told me today was going to be the best day of my life, and that at some point before new years my biggest crush would kiss me, feh! I didn't have a crush, I was footloose, and even so I _was_ only 13 years old. The worst part was, I had just moved there, and I missed all my best friends, Trevor, Jacob, Haley, and so forth. But that's not even the worst part, the worst part is, I was already half way to my bus, when I realized that I had forgotten my English homework, I yelled, "Oh son of a baryonix!" All eyes were on me, and not in the good way either. I turned beet red from the neck up, I could have died. "Sooo… um I, uh…" I stuttered, still embarrassed, this is the reason why your parents tell you it's rude to stare. I didn't know what to do or say, so I just used the old hipster fallback, I fisted my chest and did a piece sign and said, "Pieces!" With that I bolted to my locker. Pretty bad, huh? Yeah it sure was... especially since I had the homework with me the whole time.

Well it didn't make me late for the bus, and it could've been worse, I mean I could've had on a ponytail, then people would have been able to see my face. No, I wasn't going to get attached to anyone, so I wasn't going to get noticed. That's a tall order, for me anyways, let's just say I "voice my opinion" Meaning I'm a smart mouth, pretty loud too.

One of my favorite thing in the world to do after school was listen to music and read, I liked romance, fickle huh? Love songs and _A Long Time Between Kisses _by Sandra Scoppettoe, what more could I ask for?

After my homework was finished, I decided to get away from my brother for a while and go to nelson park. Nelson Park is in Arnegard, North Dakota, were I had moved. The best thing about Nelson is, it's only a little ways down the street from were our camper was parked. With my book bag on my shoulder, and my ear buds in, I rode my bike over to Nelson. My mp3 player was on fm so I couldn't choose the songs, but the DJ was good to me, my favorite songs were playing.

Then it played, one of my top ten favorite a songs,

_Say you, say me,_

_Say it for always_

_That's the way it should be_

_Say you, say me,_

_Naturally _

I began to sing along, I loved my Lionel Richie.

_I had a dream,_

_I had an awesome dream_

_People in the park,_

_Playing games in the dark_

_And what they played,_

_Was a masquerade,_

_From behind the walls of doubt,_

_A voice was crying out_

_Say you, say me_

_Say it for always_

_That's the way it should be_

_Say you, say me,_

_Say it together_

_Naturally_

I stepped off my bike and made my way towards the gazebo, still singing.

_As we go down life, like a lonesome highway,_

_Seems the hardest thing we do, _

_is to find a friend or two_

_is to find the_

_that helping hand,_

_someone who understands_

_when you feel you lost your way,_

_you've got someone there to say: _

_ill show you_

_say you, say me,_

_say it for always_

_that's the way it should be_

_say you, say me,_

_say it together naturally_

I stopped singing and took out my books, I only had a few pages left of _A Long Time Between Kisses _and I had another book ready to be read. It was called_, Falling For_ _Romeo_, the first page was intensely romantic, my forte. The flowers were still in bloom, they were pretty shades of yellow and purple, that reminded me of my home team, the Gillette camels.

Then a memory hit me in the head, Trevor, Haley, and I at the wreck center, playing volley-ball outside the front door while we waited for our parents. We all had fun with each other all the time. Drama? Not in a million years. We were like family, all of us. We had our good times, but why was I sitting there reminiscing? Probably because I missed Wyoming.

My thoughts were interrupted by a kid walking on crutches entering the gazebo, I figured he was meeting someone here or something. He was around my age, 13, longish dark hair, golden brown eyes, and a pencil. Literally, he was so skinny he looked like you could push him over by poking him.

"Waiting for someone?" I heard him say, he was sitting now. I looked at him and gestured to myself like," Are you talking to me?" He nodded.

"No, you?" I replied, wierded out that some kid I had never seen before had addressed me.

"Actually I was looking for you." he replied, smiling. Now I was really wierded out, then I thought it was some cheesy pick-up line.

"For me?" I asked cautiously, reaching for the pepper spray in my pocket.

"You _are_ Asia Lamb aren't you?" I know my name is weird, we've established that.

"Do I know you?" I asked.

"No, but I know you."

"_How,_ exactly do you know me?" I pressed, I wanted answers, soon.

"Let me explain, you see, I am with a program called the I.D.C.A.."

_This guys a loon,_ I thought, "And that acronym means...?" I kept on, motioning for him to continue.

"It means, the Inter Dimensional Children's Association." the kid explained, "We think you might be the perfect person for a job we need someone to do."

"Listen, kid-"

"Ray." he interrupted.

"Okay Ray, I would love to help you, but I don't think I should make any acceptations to the rule, "don't talk to strangers" because I don't feel like getting kidnapped." I sounded colder than I'd expected myself to, I didn't like to be rude, but hey, this kid was freaking me out.

Ray looked surprised, "Excuse me, but I think you should hear me out, after all this _is_ a rare opportunity."

"How rare?" see, smart mouth.

"Once in a lifetime." Ray answered shortly.

"Okay, I've got time." I said, crossing my arms.

"Well," Ray started, crossing his arms the way I had, "the I.D.C.A. is an organization that sends young kids, around our age, into alternate universes."

"Such as…?" I asked.

"Such as, Ice Age." Now he had my attention, I'm sure my eyes lit up like roman candles, this is were my obsession got worse.

"Ice Age? As in, the movie trilogy?" I asked hopefully.

"Yep, and we want you to go to the world of ice age, because we've interviewed some of your family and friends, they tell us things about you that tell us you're perfect for the job."

"Really? Wow, well, what kind of job are you suggesting?" I was starting to believe him more and more.

"Yes, really. The job is to, well really just go to the heard and, uh…" his voice trailed off.

"Do What?" I asked, I was eager to say yes, but I didn't know what he wanted me to do just yet.

"Well, people tell us that you are a, sweet, smart, funny, understanding, overall good person." I blushed, people told _me_ that, but I didn't know they said it to other people too, "We want you to go, join the heard, and just, well, be you. We think they need a you."

"I'll do it." I blurted out. It wasn't really _me_ saying it, it was my common sense.

Ray's face lit up, "Great, you start in a week, we will contact your mother and let her know you will be in the I.D.C.A.. Don't worry about school, we bring you back for a day or two and for an hour of that time we will put a helmet on you and the knowledge will just, well, be there."

"What if my mom doesn't want me to do this?" I asked nervously, "She might not want me going into the world of ice age. I mean, I'm only 13." That was actually a good point, but ray didn't seem fazed.

"Oh trust me, she will, especially since we can change your age, appearance, and species. I mean, really, how silly would it be to go to the world of ice age as a 13 year-old girl?" ray made a better point.

"So I can choose witch animal I will be? And how old?" I asked

"Yep, and how you will look too." Ray's phone rang suddenly. "Hello?" Ray answered it, "Yes I have her right here in front of me… she said yes… okay… yeah we will meet you there…" Ray hung up the phone. "Go home, and tell your mom about this, we'll call her in thirty minutes, and tomorrow get her to drop you off at the Raw Energy, okay?"

I nodded, picking up my things getting ready to leave. "Okay I'll see you then, oh," I opened my bag and took out a pen and a post-it, and wrote down my cell phone number, "If you need to contact me before then, this is where you can reach me." I said, holding out the post-it. With that I walked down the three steps out of the gazebo, and ran to get on my bike.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

As you may have guessed, Mom didn't believe me. That is, until the I.D.C.A. called her, and said almost the exact same thing I had. At first she didn't want me doing it, she started on the whole, "this is impossible, what about the real world?" thing. Eventually though, I was able to talk her into it.

Once I talked Mom into letting me go to the ice age, I was beyond stoked, crazy giddy man. All I could think of was what I was getting into. So naturally, I took the day off school to study, I watched the whole I.A. series over and over, and visited Google so I could get educated on everything Ice Age. As if I wasn't already.

Another thing I had on my mind was, what kind of animal did I want to be? I wanted to be some kind of rodent, a ferret maybe. I personally didn't want to be a carnivorous animal, I was a vegetarian. I did like weasels though, Buck was a favorite of mine. I certainly didn't want to be a saber, I mean I have nothing against them, I just didn't want to kill anything. The idea of being a sloth occurred to me, but it just didn't seem like me. A mammoth was out of the question, for the same reason as the sloth. Then I thought about being a possum, nah. That's when I decided, weasel it is. By the time three-o-clock rolled around, I was wondering _when _exactly to meet Ray and his mystery informant.

I was raring to go, so I asked mom to drive me right then, she gave me that heartbroken look your mom's supposed to give you when you move out of the house. I told her I wasn't leaving today, just meeting Ray. She looked all relieved, and told me she'd drive me if that's the case. The drive over went smooth, my mom told me to keep my cell phone and pepper spray handy.

When we got there, mom gave me money for a drink and sent me in. Almost the exact minute I got in, my phone rang. I checked the caller ID, I didn't recognize the number, but I picked it up anyways.

"Hello?"

It was Ray, he told me he would be there in ten minutes, so I figured I may as well get a milkshake, I hadn't had one in ages. I ordered a chocolate shake and waited. By the time I actually got my drink, I saw a van, which I expected to be Ray an the other guy. A blonde kid, around my age, stepped out, then went to the back of the van and opened it. I hadn't expected it, but once the kid put the ramp down, out came Ray, in a wheel chair. Trust me I was unfazed, I wasn't one to judge by looks, I just hadn't expected it. The two entered the store, both seeming like regular thirteen year-old boys.

"Hey Asia, this is Ben." Was Ray's first sentence. "He's the guy I told ya about."

"Hey Ray, Ben." I replied smiling, "A stake out van huh? I'm not that special." I joked.

Ray shrugged, "It's the only thing big enough for the chair." He said, just as happily as I had.

"So Raymon," Ben started in a bad French accent "This is the hot one you went on, and on about?" He nudged Ray.

I turned beet red, one of my worst qualities, and so did Ray "I didn't- I mean I- didn't say- she's not- I mean…" Ray stuttered, I knew the feeling, he was trying not to offend me, but he didn't want Ben getting the wrong idea.

"Oooh I get it, awkward!" Ben said, witch of coarse, made it worse.

"Can we get to the matter at hand?" I asked, trying to avoid and awkward silence.

"Yeah, sure great, uh…" Ray said, still stuttering nervously.

"Let's sit." Ben continued, not the least bit guilty or fazed by the weird moment he'd just created. We found a booth in the far corner, so nobody would hear us I guess. Ray got up out of his chair and slid in on the left, Ben got in on the right. I didn't know who to sit next to, so I just stood there like a dummy. One upside was, I got a good look at Ben, he was blonde, blue eyes, braces, skinny, and what some people would call "cute". I dunnow, I wasn't much for blondes. I looked at them like, "Well who do I sit next to? You've already made things awkward enough!" they looked at each other then at me, Ben patted the seat next to him.

"Come on sit hear." Ben invited me, I sat down, still dwelling on the awkwardness of the situation.

"You two want anything?" I heard the guy at the counter say.

"I'll take a coffee." Ben answered. "Black."

"A vanilla shake." Ray added.

"Got it." The guy answered.

"So," Ben started, "You're the one going to the ice age huh?" As if he didn't know.

"I am, that's what I expected we would talk about." I answered.

"Well," Ray interrupted, "Yeah, I want to know what kind of animal you want to be, and how old you'll be, what your name will be, stuff like that so I can set up your alias." He sounded a bit rushed, but still quiet.

"I have been thinking about that, and I know what I want to be exactly." I answered. Ray motioned for me to continue, "I want to be a weasel, golden brown fur, bright green eyes, around 22 or 23 years old, and my body type." The boys looked confused, "Tall, slim, you get the gist." I explained.

"K, so, how are you at singing?" Ray asked, now it was my turn to be confused.

"What?" I asked.

"Ya know," Ben interrupted, "Singing, la la la la la, like that." Not only was he captain duh, but also tone-deaf.

"I don't know, you decide. What kind of song? And…why?" I asked, still confused.

"there's not a lot of singing going on in the ice age world now a days, we want to bring it back." Ray continued, shooting Ben an irritated look. "So could you sing something for us?" he asked again. Ben gave a sly smile, Ray continued with his irritated look.

"Okay, you guys like slow stuff?" I asked, the boys nodded, "K."

"_She walks to school with a lunch she packed, _

_Nobody knows what she's holding' back;_

_Wearing the same dress she wore yesterday,_

_She hides the bruises with the linen and lace, oh."_

I started quietly, this song was another favorite of mine.

"_the teacher wonders but she doesn't ask, its hard to see the pain behind the mask;_

_Bearing the burden of a secret storm,_

_Sometimes she wishes she was never born;_

_Through the wind and the rain, _

_she stands hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above;_

_but her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved,_

_concrete angel."_

I stopped singing and looked at both the boys, they looked surprised. "I suck huh?" I asked, avoiding silence.

Ray snapped out of his shocked look, "No, your great!" He complemented. Ben snickered, "Ah shut your face." Ray snapped, his irritated look came back. I giggled, it was always fun to watch two proud as heck boys bicker.

"So is that the only reason you want me to sing 'er what?" I asked.

"Yeah that's it." Ray answered.

"Okay, so why exactly is it that I have to go live with the herd, like what happened, who died?"

"Well, you are from the other side of the valley, and your whole family was killed in the fire there, that way nobody asks if you have any family or anything." Ray explained, "I'm friends with the herd, 'cause I've got an alias as a raccoon in that world. The herd said you are welcome to become their newest edition." The guy at the front came and gave Ray and Ben their drinks, I don't know how Ben can drink that stuff, Grody.

"Sooo, that's it?" I asked.

"Not quite." Ben said, reaching into his pocket. "Every operative is given one of these." He held up a necklace, at the end was a red crystal heart.

I reached out and took it, then put it on. "Pretty." I said, fiddling with the heart.

"It can do anything." Ray interrupted, "That's how you will become your alias, and how you'll get to the ice age."

"So, does every operative go to the ice age?" I asked, gesturing to Ben.

"I actually go to the world of that, Rio movie." Ben interrupted.

"Cool." I answered.

"Yeah, I only came 'cause I'm the one who distributes the necklaces." Ben explained.

"Oh, I see." I answered.

Ray's watch beeped, "Oh, Ben, we gotta get going," Ray started, "Meet us at nelson park day after tomorrow." He slid out of the booth and got into his chair. I got out of the booth and let Ben out. "I'll call you."

"Seeya." Ben said, and gave a little wave. (Crap, I rhymed! -.-)

"Bye." I answered.

Before they left, Ben played for their drinks, and they both waved one last time. After they were gone, I texted my mom to come and pick me up. She texted back, telling me to get her a coffee, still grody.

I ordered her coffee and waited, listened to the radio, So What by Pink played, my jam. The dude gave me my mom's coffee, and just about then, my favorite line played "_so what? I'm still a rock star, I got my rock moves. And I don't need you!" _yep, I like what I like and there isn't a thing anyone can say about it.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

(Author's Note: To all of you who have commented on my work, thank you sooo much, and thanks for all of the good comments. Answers to tough questions: Ray is an OC of mine, NOT a real guy. I did not in fact know that ferrets were not rodents, but I did know weasels were carnivorous. I am in fact from Gillette WY, (GO CAMELS!) and now I do in fact live in ND. I did move into a house recently though, so we're not in Arneguard anymore. My name also really _is_ Asia Lamb too.)

By the time the day I was assigned to go to the ice age came along, believe me, I was beyond excited. In retrospect, I think I went a little bit overboard with the going away party… let's just say, do not drink ten monsters and listen to Kesha.

I woke up on my couch (Couch, meaning the small bench seat in the kitchenette of our camper), wearing too much glitter and cloths I didn't even know I had. I would have slept through the civil war if Ray hadn't called, he told me to meet him at Nelson in thirty minutes.

I panicked, washing the glitter off my face, and putting on whatever happened to be in the pile of dirty clothes in the corner of my bedroom. (Bedroom, meaning my bunk bed in our camper.) Looking back now, I wish I had paid attention to witch clothes I put on…

Once I got to Nelson, I was crazy scared that I was late or something. Thankfully I wasn't late, the only problem was my appearance.

"I'm here!" I yelled, running towards the gazebo. Ray looked like he had seen a ghost, jaw on the ground, pale as… lady gaga or something, and he didn't blink once.

"Ay dios mio!" Ray said jumping back a little, "I mean I love the, hair, and the uh, shirt."

I looked to see what he meant by "The shirt" and saw that it was my crop top that said in big bold glittery letters "Porn Star" .

"Oh f-" I stopped myself by slapping a hand over my mouth before I could say anything else. I zipped up my jacket, then Ray pointed at my head. I took out my compact and screamed, I had a red crew cut! Yep you heard me, by some fluke I had cut and dyed my hair without remembering it. "How do I not remember how that happened?" I yelled feeling the top of my head with both hands.

"Do you remember how you got that matching hicky?" Ray asked, still shocked. I grabbed my neck, this was a last Friday night moment huh?

"Nope." I answered shortly. "Is there any way we can fix this?" I asked, gesturing to my upper half. Ray pointed at the necklace Ben had given me. "Oh, duh. Blonde moment. How's It work?"

"Just tell it what to do, and it'll do it." he answered.

"Okay, get rid of this party girl look." I said, referring to the necklace. Next thing I knew, my hair was back, my porn star shirt had turned into a turtle neck, and the hicky was gone. "Neato." I said, examining myself.

"Sure is, you look better with hair and a clean neck."

"Gee thanks." I responded sarcastically.

"Ha, hey don't feel bad, Pink is pretty much the only person on earth who can pull that off." he reassured me.

"Yeah." I laughed, "I might actually make my weasel character look like that, minis the hicky."

Ray looked surprised, "Well you can look however you want, it's your face." he shrugged.

"Hells yeah, I'm an individual." I did a thumbs up and bobbed my head.

"Okay inde, let's get you turned into a weasel."

"Okay so…" I gestured for him to continue.

"So, just get a picture in your mind, and you'll turn into it."

"Okay." then I got a picture, just as instructed, a cartoon weasel with red fur and a cream colored belly (No spots, weird). I had a crew cut, (that and the color was the only thing I changed from my beginning plans) and near my nose was what you would call, freckles. As for my other features, I had florescent green eyes and a largish black nose, and, larger ears. It felt weird, having fur, different.

"When we turn into animals, where do our clothes go?" I asked.

Ray shrugged, "Mm, I guess they go into some kind of, universe Pack Rat station or sum like dat."

"Sweetness. So, what about you?" I asked, looking up at Ray, who was still a lot taller than me, even in his chair.

"Hold on." he said, pulling out from behind his solid black t-shirt, a necklace, kind of like mine, but his jewel was yellow, and sort of egg shaped. The next thing I knew Ray was raccoon, standing without any aid whatsoever. "God it feels good to stand again." Ray said, stretching. "Okay, ready to go?" Was he kidding? Uh, yeah.

"That would be a yes." I said, "So how do I, do that?"

"All you gotta do is tell your necklace to take you there." Duh.

"Okay, where in the ice age?"

"The playground Many made for Peaches."

Then I did it, I told the necklace where to take me, and it did. I opened my eyes and I was there, I was in the ice age, it was a dream come true! My biggest dream come true… yes it is sad, but it could be a lot worse, I could like Justin Bieber!

It would have been awesome, if Ray hadn't ditched me. Yep, he ditched me with no way to find the herd. All I could think to do was look for one of the members of the herd and tell them who I am, it and that's what I did.

It didn't take long to find a herd member, in fact the twin terrors were not far from where I was, they were hitting on some girl possums. Crash used a cheesy pick-up line on one of them, who proceeded to slap him. After the two girls walked away, I went over to say hello to the boys.

"Hi." the second the two saw me, they went into their "possum" pose, pretending they were dead. "Are you two Crash and Eddie?" I asked, trying to sound clueless, good acting.

Eddie shot up, "How'd you know our names?" Crash sat up and slapped him in the back of the head. "Ouch!" Eddie rubbed the back of his head.

"I'm Suzan, Suzy for short, Suze for shorter. I'm Rays friend." I held out my hands to help them up, they took them.

"I'm Crash."

"I'm Eddie."

"Nice to meet you two, Ray told me so much about you and the rest of the herd." I said politely, and yes, in the right context, I like to be polite when I meet people.

"You too. You know, Crash, the way she introduced herself reminds me of-" Eddie was cut off by Crash.

"Buck, I was thinking the same thing."

"Who?" I asked, still acting clueless.

"We'll tell ya when we get to the cave." Eddie assured me, gesturing for me to fallow.

After a while, I noticed my sense of smell was a lot better, well, duh, but still. I saw a lot of the characters from the movies, like the ant eaters, the shovlemouths, and fast Tony. It was also warmer than I had expected, probably because I had fur, also, duh. Some of the smaller rodents looked scared when we passed them.

"Ah, don't pay attention to those guys, they're just scared of weasels." Eddie explained, that helped. Crash smacked Eddie. "Ow, what?"

"Shut up!" Crash scolded.

"Hey, hey, hey, simmer down guys." I said, talking with my hands, so to speak, "And besides, I'm a vegetarian." The boys looked confused. I shrugged, "Would you rather I snack on you two?" I laughed.

"No, no, we get it you like what you like." Crash said, nervously.

I laughed again, snorting a bit this time. "You guys crack me up, I think I'm goanna like it here."

"I think you will too, that is, if Sid doesn't talk your ears off." Crash said with a laugh.

(Author's note: Okay, so how about that prologue? lol Soon I shall post the actual story for all of you to read! ^^

Ray: Cool! Sweetness!

Asia: Ray how did you get here?

Ray: You gave me a key, 'member? You 'member.

Asia: **-.-** No, no I don't.

Ray: Oh, right. If you can't remember how you cut and died your hair you certainly can't remember giving me a key. ^^

Asia: You do realize I am the author and can cripple you worse, right?

Ray: Yeah, I know… Sourpuss.

Asia: Shut up! Okay, so how did the readers like it? Not Ray, the readers lol. ^^


End file.
